Disclaimer: This is not a Valentine post or anything of sort.
#Np: last kiss – Taylor swift
I met someone whom I am going to refer to as Summer. After suffering loneliness post the break up in December all through January, fate blessed me with a taste of magic. Though from the very start I knew it wasn’t going to last, but still, I told myself this time I wasn’t going to run or over think things. I was going to live and enjoy each moment as it comes. It was cast in stone Summer was going to be in town for less than two weeks, I was going to live the moments and deal with the consequences later.
Normal me would have run the moment I knew there was going to be long distance involved but this time, I needed a change; put myself and maybe my heart at risk. What has being too careful brought me? Loneliness and heartbreak.
Anyway, work didn’t allow me see road after we met briefly last sunday. We did get to meet properly last week Friday, after our week long online conversations which we manage in-between busy schedules. By the time we met face to face, it was like we had known each other since forever.
Oh Summer! What a blissful weekend you blessed me with. Finally the memory of my ex was wiped out. Actually, first week of February one day, I just realised I had moved on. I wasn’t making effort to forget the relationship or my ex. I had one day healed and moved on. Just like that, without even noticing.
There wasn’t any expectation with Summer. It was going to be short-lived. By the end of the week Summer was travelling back to base. All we had was that weekend, that moment and all we could do was live it and make beautiful memories, of which I know I did.
I had made provision in my mind. I can’t do long distance for sure, so it was what it was. No relationship hopes or shii. I made my stand known and Summer understood. Last weekend was ours and we hung out. I was already comfortable and well, I guess I still have a bit of McSteamy in me because I was totally in my element, saying the most outrageous and ridiculous things ever.
I realized I hadn’t lost my sense of humour even though sometimes work has a way of making me so serious. My colleagues say I have two personalities. The jovial and fun me comes out when I don’t have much work to do while the all so serious dude who doesn’t like interruptions comes out when I have tons of stuff on my desk.
The new guy in the office was like, how do I do it? That I flow with everyone at work from the Manager to the security men, cracking jokes and harassing people. Lool, they call me terrorist in the office. I guess working out of Lagos taught me well on how to harass people to get your work attended to but at the end of the day know how to balance it with jokes.
Anyway back to Summer and my few days of fairy tale. Each time I said something crazy or did something fun-silly (I actually twerked or attempted to do something like twerking for Summer) *palm in face, Summer always let out this soft carefree laughter. Gosh! I never said anything but that laughter always got to me. Broke my defences.
Summer’s laughter is so tender, soft and innocent. Just makes me want to live in the sound of the laughter forever. Makes the world feel so easy like there are no cares to worry about. That laughter so magical, it’s like pouring warm chocolate gently and watching it land softly, swirling as it hits your palm. So creamy…. You can’t help but fall in love when Summer let’s out that laughter. I’d get caught up and want to cover those lips with….*trails off
A little taste of true happiness. I had the best weekend yet and I have relieved it over and over in my head. I don’t know if Summer is going to read this, but if Summer does, know you gave me the best weekend I have had in a long while. Its a shame we can’t explore this. I guess we’d blame it on distance (or my lack of courage to go the distance.)
“Love really is not enough. When going into a relationship you have to think and apply wisdom. Make sure it’s what you want and what you can handle and live peacefully with.” – Iyosayi14 (long distance post of 17 January, 2012)
I made my peace with the short time we had. They say when there’s no more wood the fire burns out. But in my case, I really don’t know how to explain the feeling. Summer went back to Lagos yesterday. There was no that final hug or face to face goodbye. It just happened. I got a message ‘I am on my way to Lagos’. Maybe that’s Summer’s way of getting closure, avoiding the painful emotional goodbye. We all deal with stuff our different ways, but what matters is we get better in time.
“You gave me little piece of heaven and you took it away, girl I’ll miss you more each passing day, I need a miracle now” – Westlife (Change the world)
I miss Summer so much it almost physically hurts. I know the original plan was just hangout, have good company for the weekend and harmless fun, but somewhere along the line I think I derailed. At first I liked Summer, slowly, but then I fell all at once.
What I felt I can’t say or figure our yet. Love? Infatuation? Crush? One thing I know is it wasn’t some sexual physical attraction because we connected way beyond the physical ish. A very important box was ticked, we love same kind of music.
On Wednesday morning while we were chatting, I started typing ‘I love you’ but stopped half way, deleted it. I felt it wasn’t right, maybe too soon but I was pretty sure I felt (I still feel) that way about Summer.
I mean that’s what the movies teaches us, right? You can’t just meet someone and say you are in love, even if you are sure you are. They say its against the rules to say it so soon and yea, not forgetting that rule of who says it first has lost their advantage and has lesser power in the relationship.
The heck?? Is love really a game? Who set these damn rules eh?
“Love is a ruthless game unless you play it good and right” – Taylor Swift (State of grace)
I remember Amanda Seyfried’s quote in Dear John, where she said two weeks is enough to fall in love. Is there really a right time frame to know it is truly love? I agree one has to be careful and not wear his heart on his sleeve but sometimes if you don’t say those words on time…love just might pass you by.
“If you love someone, you tell ’em even if you are scared that it is not the right thing, even if you are scared it will cause problems, even if you are scared it will burn your life to the ground, you say it and you say it loud! And you go from there…” – Dr. Mark Sloan’s advice to Dr. Avery Jackson on his death bed (Grey’s Anatomy S09E02)
Summer, I never saw you coming and I’ll never be the same. With time I know this feeling of love shall turn to pain because I am already missing you more than words can say.
“The thing about pain is, it demands to be felt” – The fault in our stars.