THE JOURNEY SO FAR (Grit, Perseverance, and Patience…)

I did a thing, something I wasn’t sure I’ll have the courage to do. I left my job for another bank. I chose to live one of my greatest fears, and true to it, it’s turning out to be the next hardest thing I have done since summiting Mount Kilimanjaro.

It has always been my desire to leave the banking industry as a Senior Banking Officer (SBO). I had this failed plan of leaving in 2024 when I would have worked ten years at my former place of work. The plan was to be an SBO by then (attaining that grade a year or the same year of my planned resignation) after which I’ll proceed on a gap year.

While things didn’t work out the way I had hoped, what matters is that I’m now a Senior Banking Officer. It took a while for me to appreciate that my prayer was indeed answered, even if it didn’t happen the way I figured.
I worked myself up with expectations of promotion at my previous workplace, such that when it came via an offer in another company (which by the way, was a very easy and seamless process), I failed to see the blessings and was even blinded to that fact that I had a much better enumeration deal compared to what I would have had if I was promoted.

It didn’t feel special as it was industry knowledge that the new Bank was massively recruiting. I got my offer in a week, so what’s the big deal, I questioned. I was ignoring that two other persons I know who went through the same recruitment process were not successful. I also felt some of my mates who I was in training school with became SBOs the prior year via promotion, downplaying the milestone I had attained in my career journey forgetting that I had on purpose slowed down my career progression for reasons which are still valid.

People kept telling me congratulations on my new offer, but it seemed I was the only one not seeing the good news. I was stuck on plans going the way I wanted.

The day I dropped my resignation letter, I felt nothing. I woke up the day after feeling like a part of me had died, feeling moody instead of free as I always thought I’d feel. Maybe it was Stockholm syndrome, sort of I had developed a trauma bond for an organization that repeatedly made me feel undervalued over the last year. I think that’s the only explanation, because I mean, last August I was ready to damn it all.

I had to mentally shake off the feeling and breathe in my glorious liberation. I reminded myself of all the things that had led me to decide to choose myself. It was time to leave and I was on the right path.

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I have concluded that I’m guilty of not acknowledging wins or being truly appreciative of them, while also not allowing myself to enjoy achievements. Maybe because I fear that the journey is still long and I haven’t gotten to the final stage. Is there even a final stage? Because after this desk, we always want the next – a continuous rat race.

I have not allowed myself to bask in the joy of being an SBO because I feel I need to be confirmed before I can boldly soak it in. I’m working on changing this mindset.

I’m still learning to completely surrender to God’s plans and let Him light my way. Truth is, my plans rarely go the way I want. I have noticed while it never goes exactly as desired, in the long run, God always finds a way of giving me better.

Still, I wonder why I still get anxious about things working out. Time and again, I have seen things fall in place even after it felt like my life was falling apart. I find myself struggling with anxiety, mounting pressure on myself, or as usual, wanting to run when the times get hard. I admit I’m not great with change. I once stated that my default mode when things get hard is to run even though I later on go through the motions till things settle. It’s puzzling, why after my numerous experiences, I still can’t overcome being a runner and transition into that guy that gives himself enough space to ride the change, knowing that God is always with me.

It’s not like I haven’t walked this road before, maybe not exactly but something similar. That was when I was trying to establish myself at the start of my banking career. I placed so much pressure on myself then, all I remember is pain. I didn’t give myself time or space to enjoy the process. I took this new offer telling myself this is a chance to do it all over again, and this time, I’ll do it right. No self-imposed pressure, no anxiety, or wanting to escape.

I was going to enjoy the process and draw strength from how I grew from a clueless inexperienced Executive Trainee to the guy who smashed targets and was known for excellence. The same God who saw me through in the past and helped me have a stellar career in Access Bank was still with me, and will even give me a much better career at UBA.

So far? At times I think I’m doing a good job, other times I’m failing woefully. It’s been quite a rollercoaster of emotions so far trying to settle in at my new place of work.
I wonder why I must always go through this cycle. When will I crack it? To know that I will always be fine and God’s got me?

It got so bad, that even my Dad noticed I was putting so much pressure on myself. One day, he called aside and said he has noticed I’m tensed. He admonished I remember that I’m just starting a new job and it’s only normal to have challenges while trying to settle in. He advised me to do what I can, and leave the rest to God.

That conversation was a needed check for me, and it helped me calm down. I mean, it’s the same me who told Ivan and Courage that I know my patterns, this was the day they said they knew I will do very well at the new job and have no issues meeting my target. I told them things always start slow for me, takes me a while to adjust, and then things begging to take shape, and before I know it, I’m flying to the top and being known for excellence.

I forgot this conversation, I forgot where I was coming from. I was already putting myself through the same pressure I put myself under when I resumed as a fresh trainee at Access bank eight years ago.

I have had several rethinks about my decision to quit my previous place of work and take up this new job, and each time I ponder on it, I end up with the same conclusion; It was the perfect time to move, and I don’t regret leaving Access bank.

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Switching jobs as a marketer especially when you are in the financial service industry is as good as starting from ground zero.

You leave your already established cabal and then have to rebuild in another brand. I also think every marketer who has crossed banks, has the same experience where a customer says they will move their business to your new bank, but when you eventually resume, they renege on their word.

I’m currently walking roads I couldn’t wait to break away from. Dealing with anxiety and panic attacks. After many months, I broke down one time in May. I sunk so low, it was terrifying feeling that way again, feeling so hollow and helpless. Handling change has never been easy for me.

At times, I tell myself maybe I should have stuck with the initial plan of resigning and going to sit at home while waiting on other plans to work out. I keep asking myself if at this stage in life I truly need the pressure of starting afresh in this line of work. I mean, if it were a different role that had nothing to do with targets, I know I would have found it much easier and pleasant.

I tell myself, I am already here. No one forced me to take the job, and no one is forcing me to stay either. If after some time, I realize my happiness is at stake, I will damn well leave the job and go sit at home for real. Maybe I’ll finally have the gap year I have been longing for. There’s so much out there to explore, I could even go into tech and discover I have so much eye for it. The two weeks break I was able to get before resuming made me understand that truly I’m free, and I’m not stuck. There will always be options and even if I didn’t have a job, the world is not going to crash in on me. But that will be me running.

During the first two months of resumption, I kept repeating to myself – grit, perseverance, and patience. I had to keep reminding myself I wasn’t going to rush, I will allow enough space and take it one day at a time after all the confirmation time frame was six months. I wasn’t done with the two weeks of induction when I was informed there will be monthly performance reviews. That usurped all the prep talk I had given myself. I went into flight mode. The pressure hit, and being the high achiever I am, I didn’t want to be known for underperforming.

Initially, the key accounts I was targeting were not forthcoming as I wanted, I was experiencing delays and each day was turning into a misery filled with doubt and impatience. I began to look for an escape. I started putting pressure on myself, hoping my admission to graduate school will come in so I could run. It did come, but then again, there’s been a long delay. So either I was going to be bold enough to quit and go sit at home or I stay in the job and face the challenges.

Anyway, to quit now will be me giving up when I’m at the point of a breakthrough. I have recently reactivated two relationships that could be game-changers.
The process of winning these accounts has taught me grit and perseverance. I started chasing one of the accounts in April and only closed the deal in late June. There was a time I got frustrated and was going to forget about the account. I took some days off, calmed my nerves, and went to see the customer. That day I had a breakthrough with the customer.

The other account has been nothing short of a miracle. I prayed that God goes ahead of me and handle the meeting. Turned out we didn’t even need to convince the customer, his mind was already made up in our favor. Even the friend who helped facilitate the meeting texted me the other day that I am blessed. He said he has seen his boss meet with several bankers, even some from my bank but he didn’t move, but here I am, already reactivated the account.

I think now I’m at the patience stage. I have used the first two months to do the groundwork of getting the relationships re-activated, now it’s time to patiently wait and drive business.

All the meetings we have had so far have gone well for me, so it was very surprising when ending last month when I had a bout of anxiety that lasted for a little longer than a week. No matter how hard I tried to overcome it, the feeling stayed till it wore off on its own. My head and my body were not working in the same direction. I know I’m making progress and I continuously remind myself of this, but the anxiety I guess is not something I can have full control over. It creeps in on its own and needs me to fight to keep myself grounded.

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Close to the last day of my leaving Access Bank, I called Eme and asked her if I was doing the right thing, she deflected and I said to her – ‘you are not encouraging me or discouraging me about this move I want to make, it’s not helping’. She responded, that she doesn’t know what to say, but one thing she knows is, that if I make the move, things will always align.

I want to go through this process/phase and become stronger at handling life’s challenges. I want to learn for real how to be still in times of uncertainty, knowing and resting in the sovereign plan that it will all work out well, and even if it doesn’t, that I will still be fine. I have survived several situations in the past, situations I thought will destroy me but here I am today, still going on. I had to read my previous blog post where I documented trying times, especially when I was at crossroads concerning my career, and each time, God always came through and things aligned.

So on this new journey, my eyes are watching God still and I know someday I will look back, and hopefully, I’ll be proud of how I navigated through it.