BrEakiNg YoUr oWn hEaRt

iyosayi14 Creative Writing Leave a Comment

Is it possible to know right from the very first meet that you’d definitely fall so deep in love with someone?

Maybe it’s a sudden attraction you feel, and you know if you continue it’s going to develop into something so strong.

Of course there are plenty of things to consider before going into something serious with someone, factors that’ll determine if it would work. Maybe stuff like religion, age, genotype, individual preferences, likes and dislikes, distance, tribe or just anything that’s a determining factor on if you two would work out.

You do a mental cross check and you realize you are not going to be compatible. The question is what next? If you stay you’d only fall deeper and it would become even more hurtful for you sooner or later. If you leave now how would the other person feel?

What of unrequited love? You realize the person is unavailable and could never love you the same. Do you stay? Knowing full well you’d fall even deeper for the person? Do you walk away? Be selfish and save your heart the future pain of not being loved back. Not caring if the other party would feel bad they’ve lost a potential good friend?

Have you been down this road before? Is this the same way you handled this? Walked away from the very start? Did you tell them why you were leaving or you just disappeared? Or did you sabotage the friendship on purpose?

Or did you stay? Try to ignore the feelings. Did you say the way you felt and still tried to manage the feelings? Did you both try to work a way around it even though all you longed for was to be more than just friends?

Was there drama? A lot of thinking? Walking in cycles? Telling yourself you have to walk away, you go today and next week you are back because even though you want to stay away, your heart still yearns for their company?

“If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
Would it change how you feel?

I am the mess you chose
The closet you cannot close
The devil in you i suppose
‘Cause the wounds never heal” – Everything Changes (Staind)

Do you feel you are back to walking that same road? That you are going to make a mess out of it all again, just like you always did in the past?

Something inside wants you to do it better this time around. You really want to handle it well but you don’t know how. You’ve started making the same mistakes. Your head is clogged. You desire love. Unkissed. Lonely. Vulnerable.

No excuses of wanting to focus on studies, of wanting to start a career. Now you are of age but lo…where’s the love now you are ready to love? Just one person and you’d be okay. But then you look around and all you see is people below ‘standard’, your standard. “You’ve built your wall so high, no one can climb it” – Beneath your beautiful (Labrinth ft Emeli Sande)

Maybe you should just give up on love, but you weren’t wired that way. Maybe you should lower your taste? No? You can’t settle. The right one is out there somewhere, it’s just a matter of time. But for how much longer can you wait?
Just when you seem to meet the right one, it all comes crumbling down right before your very eyes.

“You’re all alone in the dark
You’re breaking your own heart
Taking it too far down the lonely road
You say it’s just one love
But when it’s close enough you just let it go
The very thing you’ve been the most afraid of
You’ve been doing it from the start, breaking your own heart…” Breaking your own heart (Kelly Clarkson)

You are ready to love, ready to feel, to build a life with someone. Ready to make memories of you two. But yet again you are a loner in love. Just a day with this amazing person you met, so much laughter and fun at the cinema. Perfect song on the car stereo (say maybe, John Legend’s All of you). You take a look at the other and you see the future. You feel your heart melt, this is the one but you know better… you’ll only be seen as a good friend.
Your heart breaks and you remember how you warned yourself never to go on such outings with the ‘unavailable’

Maybe after all, love is not for everyone.

All takes me right back to this my previous blog post…

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