MY CODY LOVE (all in my imagination)

iyosayi14 Reflections Leave a Comment

I loved you and I was ready to give you my all but I guess it just was not enough. We have all the very right reasons not to be. Normally I would walk away but I chose to stay and turn off my feelings hoping we’d turn out the very best of friends. But right now, where we are, the only thing that seems clear is all that’s standing in our way.
In as much as all we had and shared was real and I appreciate beautiful times and moments, I hate to add us to my list of bitter sweet experience. Maybe I need a change, maybe am tired of short lived relationships. All I need now is stability and something long lasting. I am intense and spontaneous but you want to take it slow. I believe the passion is in the risk but you believe strongly in staying safe.
I love the rush, it makes me feel alive. But you just want to lay back taking each step carefully, planning each moment so carefully you take the fun out of everything. I told myself I won’t let you go, because friendship is all about appreciating our differences and learning from each other. But it seems all you want to do is turn me into you, into someone I wouldn’t recognize when I look into my mirror. Tell me, how can you get the best of me if I am no more that unique being I was created to be?
Yes I come with a lot of emotional baggage and probably have a twisted idea of what love and friendship is, but still I am me and my eccentricity trips you and you even said it, you have never seen my type and it’s my uniqueness that makes you stay, that intrigues you and you have never dug anyone the way you dig. Why isn’t all this enough for you?
I thought we’d brave the distance and work things out, make this last but now I stand here watching you move back into the arms of your ‘former’ who once left you just to enjoy juvenile delinquency. Now I feel used, like I was used by you to pass the time pending when the prodigal son would come back home. I refuse to be the other guy. The guy that’s kept at the background and remembered only when you are alone and the other isn’t around.
I am better than that. I mean so much more and therefore wouldn’t allow myself to be treated as such. Guess finally I face what I fear most; losing you. But this time it’s worse because I am actually losing you to someone else, someone I know doesn’t love or value you as much as I do. I know soon he would run off again back to his crazy wayward ways, leaving you alone once again and then I’d be the one you would turn to again. But no, I won’t be there…
It’s hard enough being just friends with you when I love you so much and know I could be more than just a friend to you. But this I can’t take. I love you so much but there’s a limit to what my love can take. What I feel for you is more than a physical thing. Like Kelly Clarkson sang, I don’t want to make love, I want to make love last.
I had dreams about us. Lyrics of Ron pope come to mind this moment as I write with a bleeding heart…’I was praying that you and me might end up together but it’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert’…
It’s a tough decision and I know the next few weeks are going to be real crappy for me. Getting over you, over us, over all we built is going to be war and would definitely tear me into shreds. I could take the easier path and stay but then that would be plain indiscipline sticking with someone who could never love me as much as I do. So I’m going to save myself by leaving you now.
What hurts the most was being s close and having so much to say and watching you walk away and never knowing what could have been….(Rascal flats).
You were the best part of my day, the only one that made blackberry messenger fun for me. At a point I didn’t mind if you were the only contact I had because you were my centre of attention. Like they say, in every relationship be it friendship, romantic relations, father/mother and child…there’s always one that loves the most. Seems it’s me or maybe I just have the unfortunate luck of meeting people that are not as expressive of how they truly feel.
Guess like Kelly Clarkson also sang,“I’m breaking my own heart, taking it down a lonely road’…well I’m going to stop writing now, shut out the world by putting my ear plugs in my ears and drown myself in depression as I listen to our songs against my better judgment.

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