It’s another December 14, but let’s pretend this is not a birthday post. The past year has been one of learning, as I navigated the many hurdles life threw my way. I had to step up in several ways, taking on new responsibilities while fighting to maintain my happiness.
Here are 37 life lessons I’ve learned through my most recent trip around the sun. Most of these lessons were shaped by my master’s program, the new job I started earlier this year, and, most profoundly, handling the funeral arrangements for my dad. Some of these lessons are still works in progress, and I hope that with time, they’ll become a part of me. Others are salient truths I had not fully noticed about myself until this year prompted me to recognise and appreciate them.
- I love being in control of whatever task I am working on. However, I am learning to transition this need for control into being better at managing people. I have always struggled with delegation back then as a banker. It was easier to complete tasks to the level of excellence I wanted and at my fast pace. Relocating has forced me to rely on people back home to resolve things for me, especially during the funeral planning and probate processes for my dad. These were major learning experiences for me. This year, I have had to relearn patience, let go of control and learn to manage tasks at the pace of others while still finding ways to get them to adjust their pace to meet mine halfway. Most importantly, I had to do all this without ruining the relationships, even though it was very frustrating for me.
- As an outflow from that, I have come to accept people the way they show up. I know what to expect from them and try not to complain when they do funny things. I already know what they are capable of, so I make plans to accommodate their limitations, mostly for my peace of mind. I believe this is the most important lesson I have learned this year, and it has brought me a great deal of peace.
- I have also learned to understand that while I may be one of the few with strong time management and a sense of urgency, others will have their own ways of getting tasks done and still meet up. However, the most important thing is that tasks are completed properly and on time. This is me learning to give space and grace to others to work in their own style. At times, it irritates me – their slower pace, poor detailing, and somewhat lack of coordination, but I have learned to look the other way. Grace is abundant, and we all deserve it.
- I am a sense-of-urgency kind of guy. When there is an important task that needs to be done, I get it sorted ASAP. I am not perfect; I still struggle with procrastination. However, when something has far-reaching implications, I am quick to sort it out. I am now learning to cultivate a sense of urgency with purpose, as I read Ryan Holiday’s newsletter on the need for prompt action and efficiency in essential matters, balanced with a deliberate and thoughtful approach to avoid busy idleness.
- Prioritising will always help save my energy and allow me to focus on what is most important. Reworking my to-do list as the day progresses and ensuring I am killing two birds with one stone. This is a constant conversation I have with myself as the days progress to ensure I am managing my time efficiently.
- Not everything deserves my immediate attention. Some things can wait; the sky will not fall. Compartmentalising to create space and ease is critical to my well-being. I had mastered this with deferring expenses, and now I have started applying it to my everyday life. I have made peace accepting that I cannot achieve all tasks in a day. These days, I pick one major task, whether it’s a whole item or part of an item, from my pending to-do list. As long as I accomplish the selected task, it is a productive day for me.
- I hate incompetence. If you don’t know, ask, learn, and become better. Also, show some effort and enthusiasm in your work. There is a big difference between not knowing and lacking the will to learn. The bare minimum stinks: why can’t you strive to be excellent? I have always struggled with this since my school days. People used to throw shade, saying I want to take first position or that I am competitive. So, I want to be the best in everything I do. How is this a problem? Why does my striving for excellence threaten you? Why would you rather be okay being mediocre? People will often try to tear others down out of jealousy or insecurity, rather than doing the inner work of improving themselves.
- Even if my job were dishwashing, you can bet that I would be the most dedicated and professional dishwasher the organisation has ever employed.
- People notice your work ethic and respect it, even when they do not say it out loud. You can tell by how they listen to you, trust your input, or come to you for solutions. Looking back at the pattern of my life, I have realised that I often find myself in positions of influence within group settings. This is partly because many people are either hesitant to speak up, prefer to be led, or are unwilling to step forward and take responsibility. That space naturally creates room for assertive people like me, who are comfortable with responsibility, to rise and become default, unofficial leaders. It has been interesting to watch this unfold again in my current role here in Australia, just as it did in Nigeria. The key lesson is this: if you want to get ahead, be visible, let your work speak for you, take up space, and make sure you truly know your onions (not eye service or being the loudest in the room to get noticed).
- I love being a solution provider. The go-to person people can rely on to resolve issues. It gives me a strong sense of purpose and reassures me that I can conquer tasks. This trait, which I consistently demonstrated throughout my work experience in Nigeria, often made me my bosses’ first point of contact for problems and the person they referred others to for support. I believe there is value in being known as someone dependable.
- I do not like to wallow. I am a solution-driven person. Yes, feel the pain, but do not dwell on it. What can be done to salvage the situation? Keep it moving. This has been my pace since 2021, when life taught me hard lessons, and it has helped me forge ahead this year.
- I am a vocal person. In groups, teams, or classrooms, you will find me sharing my opinions or sparking discussion. I may shy away from leadership roles, but I will contribute or play an active role in shaping team direction, mostly because my success matters to me and I will not sit back and allow others to determine it for me. I find this funny because I grew up very shy. I still consider myself shy in social gatherings, but I will always be an assertive person wherever I go. The ending of my graduate program reinforced the need to continually speak out, trust in my abilities, and take up space.
- Always ask for what you want. No one will give you what you do not ask for. As long as your work speaks for itself, be bold enough to demand your worth. This mindset has always worked for me, and I am learning to apply it here in Australia. I am often amazed when I reflect on how strong-headed, stubborn, and assertive I am, especially when my mind drifts back to moments where I stood my ground, even with my seniors. I have always been unafraid to fight for what I believe in, and living in a foreign country has amplified this; from standing my ground during my master’s program to demanding fair treatment and proper pay at work. One of my bosses once told me I have a strong personality. At first, I thought it was coded language from a white person implying I was overbearing or passive-aggressive, but with time, I realised it was a trait she admired and respected. The thin line is I am not a huge fan of que sera sera. While I understand that some things are beyond our control, I believe in being an active participant in my own life rather than resigning fully to fate and letting life simply happen to me. I believe in demanding what I want from life and from my work, taking initiative, putting in the effort, and going after what I desire. There has to be a balance.
- I am a very determined person. I downplay this trait because I dislike hustle culture. However, when I have a goal set or something I truly desire, the way I get locked in until I achieve it amazes me. Since childhood, I have always been that guy, and this has served me well so far.
- I am still a firm believer in locking in and having sacrificial years. Time is one of our greatest allies. Time will truly come for us to reap the benefits of the labour we put in (all things being equal). We can have everything, but not all at once. There is time for everything, and my life has repeatedly demonstrated this pattern. Right timing, delayed gratification, and building toward the right moment.
- As much as I recognise and often speak about right timing based on the patterns of my life, I do not think I have fully grasped it yet. I have seen it play out repeatedly since moving to Australia – how the things I struggle for or deeply yearn for often come to me with less effort when the timing is right. Perhaps I am being taught the value of full surrender, because while I am not someone who sits back and lets life happen to me. I am learning that balance lies in doing all you can and then waiting patiently for the process to take care of the rest.
- I am wary of being people’s boss. I once wrote that I was scared of leading a team because it would bring out the worst in me (paraphrased). The average worker wants to do little but get all the benefits. I cannot stand such behaviours, and I do not waste time calling people out. I worry that I would be a very strict, harsh, and no-nonsense boss, especially given my struggles with patience. However, my new job this year has felt like a training session in leadership. I have worked closely with an amazing boss who, although not perfect, embodies many of the qualities I believe most bosses should possess. Watching her navigate her role has taught me a great deal about managing my irritation toward those who work to the bare minimum and those who are slackers. Above all, if I ever lead a team, I will want my legacy to be that of a leader who has struck the right balance between kindness, empathy, humanity, and professionalism. Watching her lead not just a team of different personalities but also people from diverse racial and cultural backgrounds has been an eye-opener, and I am grateful for this privilege to learn, as I know it will help me when I transition to corporate roles.
- Journaling will continue to give me clarity. It is a way for me to defragment my brain. Whether I am jotting down notes in my phone’s notes app, crafting long Instagram captions, or writing long-form blog posts, I do this for myself to stay grounded and keep a record I can always revisit to track my journeys and growth.
- Life moves in seasons and phases. Documenting my life through journaling has helped me take stock and keep track of the lessons each phase has taught me. It has also shown me that life moves in cycles, and that lessons from past phases often guide me through my current waiting season. I can see my growth in how differently I now handle situations I once struggled with. I have no anxieties or worries, and at times my calm even makes me wonder if I am doing something wrong by not being anxious, as per the ‘law of attraction’. But past lessons continue to remind me that anxiety has never resolved anything faster.
- Yes, life is not a competition, and we are all on our individual paths. However, I think it is okay to observe what your peers are doing; you may just get more motivation to get started. Other people’s journeys can inspire us to want more for ourselves while still being happy for them.
- One key lesson I learned this year, after resigning from a job I had held for years and was reluctant to let go of despite it no longer aligning with my life path, is to be open to letting go of things that have served their purpose. Doing so creates space for better opportunities and new experiences. This lesson also applies to friendships and relationships.
- Relationships are important. Watering them is key to their survival. This past year reminded me that I am surrounded by so much love. My friends truly like me, love me and are constantly showing this in their actions, even if quietly. The way they showed up for me in several ways when I lost my dad humbled me and made me realise that time zone differences and distance can’t diminish love.
- Indeed, “The right company exists: the kind that nurtures, shares your values, believes in your process, respects you, and is going where you’re headed. Find it. Until you do, do not be afraid to be alone” – Ore Fakorede. This year reaffirmed that right timing applies to all aspects of life. Two and a half years after relocation, I have been blessed with a community that has brought light and spark back into my life. It reminded me that when things happen for me, they happen at the right time, and most importantly, when I can manage those blessings. I am grateful I focused on what needed attention and did not force friendships or social circles – the wait was worth it.
- I came across a saying: “Born to be a hopeless romantic, forced to master detachment.” Social media is taking a toll on relationships. Everyone wants to act busy and rarely keeps in touch, yet their footprints are everywhere online. I used to be the one doing random check-ins, but not anymore. I am content with a tight circle of people who make as much effort as I do. This goes beyond sending memes or reels; it’s about connecting with those who are ready for genuine conversations and to share life authentically. At this stage, depth matters. Leave people where they are.
- Ninety-five per cent of issues within relationships (interpersonal and professional) can be solved by good communication. People underestimate the power of feedback.
- This past year made me realise that some friendships belong to past versions of myself. It explained why I felt stressed trying to keep them alive. Not all friends will grow with you or move in the same direction, and that’s okay. It’s fine to leave people where they are, without resentment or bad blood. I am also learning to let people make their own life choices. If their path doesn’t align with mine, I have to let go with love.
- I don’t have to engage with every unpleasant behavior. These days, I protect my peace by looking the other way, as long as it doesn’t directly affect me. People will always be people, and social media is steadily reshaping society and humanity, sadly for the worse. I continue to find joy in the beauty of nature, while protecting my space from the surrounding noise.
- From multiple experiences, I have realised that people who have “kindness” in their social media bios are red flags. Most want kindness shown to them, but they do not know how to show it to others.
- This past year made me realise the importance of curiosity in love. People who talk about themselves constantly and never ask questions are a major red flag. To truly love someone, you have to know them. Curiosity is the gateway to understanding how to love someone in the way they need. If I notice our conversations always focus on your issues, or only touch on mine when I bring them up without intentional interest from your side, I gradually fade away.
- People will always act in their own self-interest, especially in corporate spaces and extended African family settings. For empaths like me, this is a crucial lesson: stay vigilant and put yourself first. Not everyone has a caring heart like yours, so only you can truly watch your own back.
- I am learning to receive feedback without resistance or defensiveness. I focus on the message, not the messenger, take a deep breath, and process it objectively.
- Another key lesson my job taught me this year is respecting people’s choices and their need for control. I am extending this to personal relationships: I no longer get offended when friends or family refuse my advice or make choices I might not have made. I respect their decisions and move on, also avoiding the “I told you so” attitude. It’s been easy to adopt with friends, but with family members I feel responsible for, it’s still a work in progress…but baby steps.
- Certainty is not fact. I trust my instincts; they rarely fail in sensing when something is off. But what often fails is my attempt to play detective and construct stories in my head. There have been notable times when I was completely wrong, most recently twice. I am learning to slow down, patiently wait for the truth to reveal itself, or simply ask probing questions. Instincts are valuable, but they are not perfect.
- People are allowed to ask me why. This is part of my ongoing journey in patience and tenderness. I used to feel that when someone sought my advice, they should simply take my word for it. I would get irritated when they asked why I suggested a particular solution, thinking, why ask me if you will not trust my answer? I have since learned that people are often seeking assurance and context rather than questioning my credibility. I am learning to respond with kindness and grace.
- This particular learning point is actually a prayer point because I am wired in the very opposite way. But as I always say, we are not above growth. I am seriously learning how to approach issues from a place of calmness. My rage scares me. The way it overwhelms and cripples me until I act is frightening. Especially in professional settings, when I feel I have been treated unfairly. I’d start typing out emails furiously until I have said my piece. It works and yields results, but I believe there is a better way to approach things. I aspire to the same level of calmness and gentleness my late dad had.
- This year has taught me to carry grief with joy. Two truths can coexist. And as I have quoted from Tersho several times – “It takes a lot of strength to be able to keep all the different parts of your life separated, not letting an issue on one part affect another…”
- Gratitude will always see you through pain or whatever shitty phase of life you find yourself in. Counting my blessings throughout the year kept me steady and renewed my hope for the future.
