Oh! I’m in pieces, its tearing me up but I know
A heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved
Spread your wings as you go
When God takes you back
He’ll say Hallelujah, you’re home…
#np: Supermarket Flowers – Ed Sheeran
KC Bombay, my amazing buddy. I still can’t believe you are gone.
On the 28thof February I was going to send you a message on whatsapp, but I stumbled on Dr. Onyeka’s profile pic first. It was a picture of both of you. Then my eyes fell on his status message – “Kc… Thank God for your life…Rest well…Say Hi to Dad.”
I was just settling in at work when I saw it. I screamed, I hit my desk asking no one in particular what he meant by his status. I read the words but they seemed unreal. I couldn’t accept it, I didn’t want it to be true. My thoughts racing and my heart pounding against my chest.
It’s been three weeks now but it’s all still fresh in my memory, the pain I felt that day. I was scattered and confused. I dialled Onyi, he said we lost you…
Kc dearest, as unreal as his words sounded that day, they still remain so now. Kc…I have called your name over a thousand times, whether out of the blues or in a whisper when I remember, but still no answer from you.
You were one of the few persons who understood my complexities and never complained or made me feel less. Even when in my usual manner, I tried to push you away, you stayed patiently and waited till my dark days were over. You’ll tease me that I get wahala but you never one day made me feel abnormal or less loved. Oh, how much I will give to hug you one more time, to see you smile and tell you just how much you mean to me.
The last time we communicated was on instagram where we discussed some personal ish as we always do and I ended the chat by praising our bravely. You were young but you were very brave and ready to weather tough conditions.
I remember in 2013 when we were chatting and you called me out of the blues. I was shocked because I didn’t expect a call from someone I was chatting with. We talked a lot about everything and nothing.
I always thought I was Beyoncé’s number one fan but then I met you and realised my fandom was still learning. We were supposed to attend one of her tours together and sing along to every damn song of hers!
I remember waking up to your message informing me that Bey had released her an entire album overnight. That was her self-titled album in 2013. I quickly rushed to download it and we spent the day talking about it and comparing it to her previous albums. Our second to the last chat was about how she got rubbed at the last Grammy awards.
I have been thinking about you, sometimes I blurt out your name all of a sudden because I still can’t believe you are gone, sometimes just a whisper of your name. Sometimes I remember bits of our shed memories and I smile, sometimes I want to cry, I want to call you and talk with you. I want to say come back to me but…
If I begged and if I cried
Would it change the sky tonight?
Would it give me some light?
Should I wait for you to call?
Is there any hope at all?
I try to reach for you
I can almost feel you
You’re nearly here
And then you disappear… (Disappear – Beyonce)
You always read my blog and then, you’ll chat me up afterwards. We’ll discuss in details and with each discuss I saw how brave and wise you were.
I have always said death brings peace to its victims, but it inflicts pain on those left behind…
This isn’t right, cus whenever we spoke about life, you were the one always wanting to live it to the fullest, to hustle and rule this life and make something out of it. You were pro-life. I was the lazy one, the one who didn’t want to hustle, who didn’t mind taking the easy way out.
It feels so unfair that you are gone too soon…
Kc my music buddy. I remember the day you chatted me that you had finally become a Troye Sivan fan. I was ecstatic. I had made a Troye fan out of you. That was huge for me, finally I had another Troye Sivan buddy but now you are gone.
I wonder what death is like, my colleague said it’s like a long sleep. Do you dream? If yes, please dream of me. Can you hear and see us here on earth? Of all things I sincerely wish you can still hear us here, so you can listen to Beyonce’s next album and I hope you have a front row seat to see her recording each song and shooting the accompanying videos.
You mean so much to me and I will always think of you. Someday we shall meet again and you shall give me that gentle somewhat shy smile again. Same way you did the first time we met, and I will spread my hands and say come give daddy a hug. This time I’ll let the hug linger on even much longer.
I keep looking at your pictures on instagram, running my hands over my phone screen trying to understand all this, missing you and even loving you more.
And it’s hard
The days just seem so dark
Where do I begin?
No words can explain
The way I’m missing you
I’m reaching out to you
Can you hear my call?
This hurt that I’ve been through
I’m missing you, missing you like crazy…(Lay me down – Sam Smith)
I played some of your voice notes, I heard your voice and I died inside. Your laughter…so cute and carefree….I will store those audio files and guard them carefully so I can always have that with me.
I remember how we used to use song titles of Beyonce to make sentences or use lyrics of her songs and then we’ll wait to see who can’t recognize the lyrics…
Last Friday we laid you to rest. On seeing your face on the poster with the caption – ‘Heaven has gained an angel’ my heart filled up with so much love. I saw your family, they were all fine and in good health. That gave me peace and joy that they were doing just fine even though your demise has left a void.
I left there with my heart bursting with so much love. We have bade you farewell and laid you to rest, but you’ll forever live on in my heart and I can never forget you.
I miss you every day Kc.
I love you like XO