iyosayi14 Reflections Leave a Comment

I’m just going to post it. No need for long story. I have been paid back in my own coins. I got cheated on by someone I love dearly, and guess what? I was cheated by my boo with a friend of mine! Yep…same love triangle story, only this time I am the one who got cheated on.
It stings and it hurts. Now I can imagine what I put my friend through. When you get cheated on, what are you supposed to feel? Hurt? Betrayal? Disappointment? Hate? Anger? Or all of them mixed together, wrapped up in you and just wanting to explode?
In this sort of situation where the other guy is your friend, double all those terrible feelings. I guess fate has paid me back. But it sucks. 
Shit happens but one thing I know is unlike the friend I wronged in the past, I don’t know how to go back to a cheating ex. Forgiveness can come after all the emotions and anger has been dealt with but trust can never be there again. Never ever and when there’s no trust in a relationship you have nothing.
People are different. People forgive and stay with their cheating partners and work things out but I am naturally paranoid and when I have a reason not to trust someone, that’s it. There’s no fixing it or repairing anything. I can work through many flaws in a relationship, but cheating? That’s a whole new craze on its own. 
I used to think people that cheat are just lacking self-control and discipline. But there’s more. Love is not enough to stop one from cheating, neither is having self-control. Its normal to feel attracted to someone else even when you truly love another and you two are in a serious relationship. Self-control and discipline makes you look away and not act on the attraction but when it’s someone that’s close and always around, love and self control isn’t enough. Then you’d have to run from temptation and avoid it at all cost. 
I recently asked a colleague why he didn’t come for the office’ end of year party, he said his wife didn’t want to come hence he stayed at home. I was like, so because your wife didn’t want to come you then decided not to come? Couldn’t you come alone? His reply made me respect him on a whole new level. He said he decided not to come to avoid anything that”ll lead to infidelity. 
Being my usual self, I had to tackle him more but his reply made me respect him even more. He said “man know thy self! I know my weaknesses, if I cheat now, it’s you that will be the first to accuse me and paint me bad”. (He was right about me there). 
You have to choose between your relationship and the attraction. If you choose your relationship, for the sake of protecting what you have, you avoid and cut ties with the one you feel just a physical attraction to (hard but beneficial). 
Avoid those lone visits to their houses because the flesh is weak and don’t tempt yourself. No matter how disciplined or in love you are with your partner, one day you’d be vulnerable and fall. You might lose that relationship for just a fling that’ll not last. Sad thing about such is, once you have satisfied the attraction, it’s over but then you’ll lose your relationship if you get caught (and you will get caught someday.)
Love is easy really. It’s just us greedy humans who complicate things. You choose to be with someone yet, you can’t overcome your flesh and avoid all forms of temptations. How greedy can we be? What really do we want?
I feel bad becuase I saw all these coming but I let my heart lead the way even when my head told me what’s up. The truth is, if they cheat with you, they’ll definitely cheat on you. The signs are always there but we just ignore them and say they would change, but we know better, we just ignore the warning signs.
What’s the idea about meeting people? So you fall in love and settle with the right one right? Build something good with them over time abi?
You’d expect that when two people decide to date they would focus on building what they have. But not in the social media age we are in. Some people (both girls and boys) are just addicted to social media or they are just plain insensitive or indisicplined I guess. Time they should invest in building their relationship they would use it to be having meaningless chats on various social apps, setting themselves up for avoidable temptations and then come back and say I am sorry, expecting everything to be automatically fixed. 
I blame myself for everything. I mean, from the word go I didn’t really have so much trust, started on a complicated note. Plus this was someone who admitted to cheating all previous exes, what made me think mine would be different? Smh…but it’s all cool sha. Once in a while we all get to be fools in love. The bad thing about all this is I am most likely going back if not deeper into my phobia for relationships. I broke my rule, put myself out there and now the very reasons why I never bother with them and the stress and drama that comes with relationships have been revalidated. I am done.
Saw this on twitter lately – “@lnsaneTweets: I sleep so peacefully at night, knowing that I am single and that there’s no one out there cheating on me”
This age we are in, trust seems like a myth. Its going to be a miracle for me to open up or let anyone in again. It’s not worth it. Though I really do miss my ex but I have to be brave and know exactly what’s good for me. I can’t allow loneliness or nostalgia over good memories of moments we shared make me go back to a toxic relationship. 
People do that, go back because of loneliness but it is never really the same, the happiness is gone. All you see are the cracks and with time you guys just fall apart finally. It can’t be forced, once it’s broken, it is broken. “You can’t play on broken strings” – (Broken Strings – James Morrison ft Nelly Furtado). 
So I am going to skip that part, just take my time and process this on my own time. No rush to heal, that’s for time to take care of. Just do me and enjoy my own company till maybe someone true comes along and hopefully I get over this scar and open up again to let someone in and most importantly get over my paranoia. 
Truth is, in the begining of relationships we see certain signs. We know we should back out then, when we are not yet so deep in it. But we stay and refuse to go, telling ourselves they will change or we will work it out. But truth is, hardly do those things ever change because it’s who they are, who they have always been even before we met them. So chances are they wouldn’t change. Either we ignore and just bear/tolerate or we leave for our sanity’s sake.
One thing is for sure, never again shall I ignore the early warning signs (I sincerely hope for my own good).
Well, what do I know? …I am but just a kid

Comments 0

  1. I dig u deeply.. We've all been der. Though I took my back d quality of d relationship is nt d same , so is d committment I put into it. She claims she luvs me..den I understood d 4th law of *** " d only fin consistent abt ladies is der inconsistency"

    This qoute consoled me must of dem and I hopes it consoles u 2.

    "Some1 can love U and still cheat
    Just like d way we claim 2 love God yet still sin"

    However wen d luv is true d person intrest cums b4 our selfish lust and we wuldnt want 2 hurt such a person.

  2. Oh Santos…ur words…"Someone can love but still cheat on you, just like we claim to love God yet still sin"…gave me so much clarity!! And yet he forgives us each time….but then I'm still human sha and I know I am to forgive 7 times 7 times but walahi! My heart is not elastic…*whew!

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