How do they do it?

iyosayi14 Creative Writing Leave a Comment

One of my morning rituals is surfing the internet for news; both local and foreign entertainment news. What I kept coming across on the net today was not really encouraging. From one break up to another, I just kept on reading. The scary thing was these relationships were ended after so many years together.

The first I read about was that of Mark Feehily, group member of the Westlife boy band who broke up with his fiance of seven years. Yes he was engaged to a man, kevin Macdaid but what they had was real. I mean seven years? Next was the famous Chuck Norris who divorced his first wife after thirty years of marriage and went ahead to marry another wife whom he also had kids with but the odd thing about Norris is that he says he is an ardent christian but then he also has kids from extra marital affairs.

I stumbled on a picture of Beyonce with her mother, then I remembered Tina knowles also got divorced after twenty nine good years of marriage with two beautiful amazing talented daughters. Though the younger daughter (Solange) is a divorcee, the elder daughter (Beyonce) seems to be getting it right and showing a good example to young ladies out there.

She dated Jay z for six years before getting married to him four years ago, also Jay Z is her first and only boyfriend. I am seriously rooting for them to go all they way and never divorce, at least they still give people hope for a successful marriage, same with Will Smith and Jada Pinketh.

Well so was Bobby Brown and the late Whitney Houston, though they finally divorced after eleven years. Then before their divorce, they were always referred to whenever one was looking for a perfect example of enduring love but I guess love just wasn’t enough.

Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise; they got divorced after ten years of marriage and the strange thing about their case is they didn’t have a child though Nicole had a miscarriage around the period of their divorce. They both moved on and married different people with whom they both have biological kids with. Shakira, she broke up with her long term boyfriend of eleven years and started dating a younger footballer. Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony got divorced after seven years, Matthew Ryan Phillippe and Reese Witherspoon divorced after seven years of marriage.

There is a long list of people who have dated or gotten divorced after spending so much time to build a life together.
You may say this is an American problem but truly it’s not. I just stumbled into another Nigerian break up story after ten years of dating. Uche Jumbo, A list actress and footballer, Ike Uche. Another is the famous who wants to be a millionaire presenter, Frank Edoho who divorced his wife Katherine after ten years of marriage. Still the list of Nigerian couples who have such history is endless.

You may say it’s a celebrity thing but look around you, amongst your classmates, co workers, colleagues, its happening. I remember a couple who dated throughout our university days but today they have broken up. Even amongst our parents, friends and relatives we see such happening. Once in a while I read about marriages dissolved by Nigerian courts in national newspapers, well established marriages breaking up.

It’s scary when I hear about such break ups and divorce. I mean its like spending so much energy, time and resources to build a castle for years only to watch it crumble before your very eyes one day. I agree that no relationship is perfect. We are humans and we differ. Once in a while we are bound to have differences and quarrels, but seriosusly after being together for over five years you would think one should have understood the other and known the best way of settling issues.

So much time and resources, effort, compromise, pain and emotional will is put in to build a life with someone. You people have gone so far, invested so much then suddenly after all these years its over? How? Why? I know people change but how much change could occur? I want to believe relationships are about growing up together. After spenidng certain years together the rate of a break up I think would be minimised after all you’ve gone through the initial hurdles of making a fresh realtionship work.

What happens to the memories made? The secrets shared? Its crazy thinking about it. One of the main reasons marriages hit the rocks is childlesness but amongst the broken marriages after many years you still see those with children.

When it comes to dating for many years, the reason of we are on different paths or we are not compatible can’t really spring up here. What were they doing all this while? Where they blind or sleep walking all these years that it’s now they realise they are not compatible? Or could it be that one was really believing they had a future together while waiting and hoping some day the other would feel same? Could it be that one was leading the other one giving false hope of a future meanwhile he or she was just having fun all the while?

I once parted ways with a long time best friend of about two and a half years, that’s nothing to be compared with long lived relationships or marriages, still I know the hurt and pain I felt. I knew how hard it was leaving the life I had nutured with that my friend behind. It felt like two and a half years of my life just went down the drain. In fact I can’t explain it, but I know it’s been hard for me to build that kind of friendship with anyone again.

Shit happens I agree, but then certain thing are really not just supposed to be. It’s scary thinking of starting afresh with another person after giving so much of you. It’s like letting a part of you go. You’ll definitely feel lost for a while. A part of you definitely would be lost and you’ll forever carry with you imprint of the other person. I may not be able to ever comprehend why such long term relationships come to an end or understand the gravity of probelms faced that could cause such separation, maybe a cheating partner or addictions or absusive spouse, but I know for sure I don’t want to ever expereience it.

Seriously, how do they do it? How do they survive it? How do they start afresh and build a new life with another like what they once had never existed? How can one recover from such wasted years? I wonder if I could ever survive such because when I love, I love to the fullest without holding back. Yes time heals but time doesn’t erase memories of a life once shared.

Whatever happened to ‘for better for worse, for richer for poor, in health and in sickness, till death do us part’?

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